Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
