The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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