she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
