God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
