well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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