I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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