eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
