I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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