So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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