Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
