I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
