....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
