I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
