I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
