im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize