The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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