Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
