Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
