Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
