During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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