You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
