He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
