it hurts more in the daytime
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
BRING THE BAGELS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
