Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
