dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
