Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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