just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
