and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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