just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
