Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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