Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
