There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize