This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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