I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
