There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Girls should come with a carfax report
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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