My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had sex on a roof
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
