after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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