those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
