its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
