Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
