Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
