Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
