where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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