Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
