she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
