Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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