I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The best revenge is premature balding
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
