can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
