I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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