You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
