I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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