wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
