The best revenge is premature balding
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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