Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize