it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
