a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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