It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
