so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
