you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
