You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My feet surprised me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
