If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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