I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
