I should be sponsored by Trojan
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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