The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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