I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
