shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
how drunk are you?
Several
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
