Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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