He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
