Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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