oh god the rape fog is back!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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