as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
