she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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