I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
