so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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