I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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