matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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