is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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