I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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