Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
