and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
