we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
