remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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