i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
