youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
