Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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