just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
