i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
