my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
