you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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