ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
