What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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