i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
