literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can I color on your dick again?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
