I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize