I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize