got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just high enough for therapy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
