You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
